PhD ...my journey (sem 5)

Salam all,

Wow! Lama juga tidak menjengah my NHAR Kopitiam ...just being reminded by one of my xstudent. Created this blog in 2009 when i started my phd and now .... here i am in my 5th sem!

Perjalanan menjelajah phd semakin hampir ke titik akhir ...dlm sedar atau tidak. Selarikah pencapaian phd sehingga kini ? Atau lalaikah diri ini dengan hal2 duniawi yang lain sehingga mengabaikan 'amanah' tambahan ini?
Kecintaan melalui susur-susur phd kali ini ternyata amat berbeza berbanding pengalaman meredahnya 16 tahun yang lalu ... Dulu, mendengar sahaja 'supervisor' sudah boleh membuat jantung hampir terhenti dan otak mula memikirkan cara menjauhinya ...bukan kerna kegarangan beliau.  Beliau seorang Dr. yang amat2 baik ,  tetapi ketakutan yang hadir adalah kerna kejahilan diri sendiri dalam bidang yg dipilih di saat itu ... astronomy! Perasaan takut dan malu untuk berdepan tanpa ada sebarang kemajuan dlm penyelidikan .... stress sehingga ke tahap max! Pemilihan bidang memang ternyata crucial ...minat sahaja tidak mencukupi!

Berbeda dengan phd kali ini, perasaan lebih tenang dan yakin ... dan yang lebih penting, happy, alhamdulillah. I set to myself a special motto:  "Kalau stress, i will destress myself dengan bercuti2 ... Kalau happy pun, i will treat myself dengan meronda jugak!"  .... and somehow it really works for me! I really enjoy the whole journey of my phd ...so far '-)

First rule, i set to myself special spaces to fulfill my family needs +  phd needs + my hobby needs + my neighborhood needs.   I organized everything on my 'table calender' accordingly ,

1st - block all birthdays, anniversaries and school holidays.
2nd- block all conferences'-seminars' dates (in or out Malaysia)
3rd- block all dates related to my appointments with my supervisors (go to Shah Alam etc).
4th- block all dates related to my hubby's outstations + conferences + seminars dates
5th- highlight any meetings or activities related to my kids or their schools.
6th- highlight all importing weddings' or kenduri or alumni dates.
7th- highlight the possible dates for me and my family for our annual vacations!

Sehingga kini, kaedah ini memudahkan saya, suami dan keluarga mengatur perjalanan harian dengan lebih selesa dan gembira.  My 'Table Calender' akan dijadikan rujukan utama kami sebelum masing-masing merancang sesuatu . I really feel so blessed by Allah for having an understanding husband that understand the importance of so called 'doctorate' dalam bidang yang kami sama-sama ceburi.

Terasa amat2 bersyukur juga kerana pemilihan supervisor  utama yg awalnya 'digeruni' rupanya satu pemillihan yang tepat dan sesuai '-)  Perjumpaan bersemuka dan perbincangan secara online yang kerap selama lebih 5 semester kini mula membuahkan hasil. InsyaAllah, 2 journals have accepted my papers. Been to 7 conferences, in and out of Malaysia.  Looking forward to go for another conference abroad, hopefully Turkey (2012), insyaAllah. Beliau kini lebih sebagai teman, rakan sekerja, penasihat, motivator, kakak and my back bone dalam mencapai cita2 bergelar seorang 'Dr' ... semoga Allah memberkati beliau dan diri ini ...semoga akan bertambah cerdik pandai muslim di bidang Mathematics terutama Numerical Analysis.

Now, my main concern is to start writing my thesis seriously and in a more structured way. So far, semuanya dalam keadaan caca-merba ... bits here and there... cut n paste ... but clustered by Chapters & Appendices.

Kini hanya mampu berdoa, berusaha dan bertawakkal ...
Ya Allah, Kau kurniakanlah kepada ku ..hambaMu yang kerdil lagi hina ini ...  ilham-ilham dan tenaga.
Ya Allah, Kau kurniakanlah ketenangan dan kejayaan ... tanpa wujud perasaan riak dan takabbur walau sebutir di hati ini ... kerana segalanya ada hakMu.
Ya Allah, Kau kurniakan diriku dan keluarga istiqamahh pada agamaMu dan kau tetapkan hati-hati kami kepada kebenaran dan kebaikan...kerana engkaulah "Ya MuQallibalQullub" ...
Ya Allah, sesungguhnya segala yang ku sangka baik, tidak semestinya baik untuk diriku ...
Kepada-Mu aku berserah , jua kepada Mu jua aku meminta ...
Amiiin ....Amiiin ...Ya Rabbal 'Aalamiiin.

*Aku rindu menjadi tetamu di rumah-Mu ...

MU vs. M'sia punya hal

Salam to all again,

This week ... only Allah knows how hectic life is this weekends. I went to S.Alam alone by bus on Friday night .. yeap,for my phd classes. The next morning, luckily my sis sent me to uitmsa by car, else got to take a cab. I finished my classes around 12noon, take a local bus supposed to be to Pasar Seni. Since this is my first time after ages not taking bus from SA to KL ... I got out of the bus at the wrong place and got to take a cab to Puduraya ... where I waited for my hubby and 4 kids to arrive from Butterworth by bus. My eldest did not come along bcoz of his 'boot-camp' at Ulu Paip.

We walked to the Maytower Hotel ... near Jakel /Ariani shoplots ...not to far away from Sogo. Here we are given a room at the 28th level! Nice views ... small room but very nicely decorated ... urban design I would say

Around 4pm my hubby and 3 kids when to the Bukit Jalil stadium for the awaited football league! MU vs. M'sia .... 3-2!

Me and my youngest kid (18 mths) stay at the hotel ... well, not really. Izz (my youngest) was not feeling very comfortable due to the tiny ulcers on his tongue well. Shouting at about everything ... feeling sorry for him. So we went for window shopping hoping that will ease his pain a bit... and not being so 'bad mood' all the time. We then stop at Jakels and met my ex-primary schoolmate, one of the daughters of Jakel. Lucky for her for the wealth given to him by Allah ...

All my 4-footballers got backed around 9pm, so I decided to go back to Shah Alam tonight bcoz I got another class tommorrow. Not knowing which where to go, I called my sis and she directed me to the Bank Negara Commuter Station ... a weird and frightening short journey, I would say!

Alhamdulillah I reach Subang Jaya Station and waited for my sis to fetch me. Got my 'nasi bungkus' for dinner and dipped in !

The next day, i went to my class with Surya ... my other phd friend...g0 to PTAR4 library but unluckily most of the books needed were not there but at PTAR INTEC at sec17...try to xerox some of the pages, the machine was down ... so got to bring all the 4-thick books home to Penang by bus. Unbelievable my first 3 hours of the journey were filled with reading activites ...

I reached Seberang Jaya round 8pm (4pm from SA)... reached home, brought all the kids to KFC for dinner. Izz still not feeling very well ... I guess he was starving due to the ulcer....he just wouldn't try to drink and eat anything ... keep screaming at everybody who was trying to tease him. I decided to give him air Yassin-zam-zam ...pray to Allah hope that He easy away the pain.

Alhamdulillah this morning, Izz seems to be in much better condition ... drinking 2 bottles of milk and not crying as much as last night. Hope the ulcers will fade away ...insyaAllah.

Classes oooo classes ...

Last Thursday (july 2) we took the 4.30pm Xpress bus from Penang and finally reached Shah Alam at about 7.30 pm. Took a cab to my sister's house in Sec.13 and overnight there.

The next day,for the first time I met my 3 phd supervisors (yeah ...THREE ;-}) in Shah Alam. Why 3? Well I guess I really need more than 1 experts to supervise me ... just in case anything happen to the first supervisor (nauzubillah), or she's away, or busy or ... then I still have another 2 to help me ... insyaAllah ;-} Heheh ...just playin' safe ...I hope. Believe it or not ...they already assigned me with a list of things to do ... phd fever, here u come!

Saturday and Sunday...got 2 hours classes, respectively. Luckily the lecturer was okay ...2 hours went by without much problems ...at least my eyes were opened the whole time eventhough the night before I only slept for 3-4 hours ;-]

I learnt lots of new things ... classes, supervisors, in-campus buses, taxi, library, postgrad.labs, foodcourts ... and not to forget, shoppiiiiinggg!

Tommorrow ... 11.30pm bus to Shah Alam! again ...

..and the circles will continue for the rest of my 3-year phd !

Thankfully & alhamdullillah, I got a very understanding and cooperative husband ... he got his phd back in 1998... I guess this is my turn to reach 'the star' .... thank u!

PhD without tears ? -25/6/09

Last Saturday, I finally registered myself as a PhD students in one of the local university... full-time. Luckily i was given a staff scholarship for it ... so lucky me, Alhamdulillah & thanks to our generous & caring government. I guess i would never have gotten my degree & master ... and all the lovely experiences in USA and UK if not from those financial supports.

So here i am , a full-time mother (with 5 sons) + full-time wife (yeah, only 1 husband)+ full-time postgraduate student +... or should i say 1/4+1/4+1/4+1/4 = 1?

Well ... nay ... as a mathematician I would say 1/4+1/4+1/4+1/4 IS NOT EQUAL TO 1;
1+1 in my case is equal to 7 ... if u got what i meant. .. ;-}]

With the permission from 'the top' , I started my 1st week as a student in my 'old' office ... wondering where to start and what to do next. Adapting myself to this new role is not as easy as i thought it would be ... So, I decided to make a long checklist of what need to be done and what need to be thrown out.

My first move was to find a new office partner ... checked. I successfully persuade one of my colleagues to move in to my office... so today I handed her the extra keys ... she is a sweet lovely lady, whom actually is my neighbor. I rearranged everything ... all my files and books and started inserting extra table (an old lab table) in the office... sadly, i started to feel like this new 'role' is putting me as 'a 2nd class citizen' in my own place ... :-[

Well, I guess there's no turning back ... I got to make the best of the opportunity, and try very hard to reach for the star ... is there really a PhD without tears?